every day else i will grace the world
with my rationality and courage
but today i just want to shut down
and just indulge in Very Sad.
i just want to quit it all and
fall comfortably into mediocrity,
i just want to be ok
but what the hell,
tomorrow will be the same anyway.
and the day after, the same darned story
will run over and over.
it's hard, it's all hard.
in my mind, all i want are THESE
but it's hard, it's always hard.
in this moment
i can be the hopeless wuss that i secretly am
and when tomorrow comes its back to
work and i will need to be better.
which i will be. the recovery mechanism
always kicks in dutifully, so everythg feels
better the next day until The Feeling
attacks you again.
its more convenient to be privately tired,
privately affected, privately unable to cope
and privately wondering why
there's so little that i love that
i can ever afford to have.
when im sad i need to sleep to not think
but the reality of life is that i have
AB311 to do and thats the only thing that
is real. sadness is not real.
10:17 PM